I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
