so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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