I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
