You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
