Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
