i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
