You're completely useless in the revolution.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The best revenge is premature balding
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
