Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
