If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
