did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
