the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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