make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
