i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
