If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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