the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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