I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
