Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
