My hand turned me down
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
