I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
