Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
