WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
