No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
