How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
