then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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