They should really pass out barf bags in church
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
