My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Randomize
