It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
