I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
