i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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