just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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