shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
