Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
