WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
