coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I queefed so loud it echoed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
