Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
