Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
