yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
