the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
