i think my tv is drunk
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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