I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
