A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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