I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
