don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
