so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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