I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
