Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
