Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
