guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Where is the hickey?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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