I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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