He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
