i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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