hotel room ftw
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
