Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
