Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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