My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
