...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
