Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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