I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The Olympian is in my bed
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