i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
