I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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