some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
