i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
