Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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