how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
